How to meet people and where?

I don’t drink alcohol. So going to parties is boring for me.

But I was just looking in the wrong place. Parties are one way to meet people, not the only way. And for someone like me, they’re not even a good one.

So I found other ways. Here are the ones that work for me.

1. The internet, and X.com

I’m interested in databases. That’s not a common thing to be excited about at a party, but on X there are hundreds of people who care about B-Trees and query planners as much as I do.

What I do is simple. I read their posts. When one is good, I react to it nicely. Not “great post!”, but something that shows I actually read it. A question, a small thought, a link to something related.

After a few times, they recognize my name. Then we talk.

When I want to go further, I send a DM. I don’t ask for a job or a favor. I ask for advice, or a book recommendation. People love recommending books. It costs them nothing, and it tells them you’re serious. Half of my reading list came from DMs like this.

The internet is strange. It lets you talk to people you would never meet in real life, as long as you’re polite and curious.

2. Build something that needs other people

The second way is to start a project where meeting people is the point. For me, it was a podcast.

I created databasestory.com↗ to interview people who work on databases. It gave me a reason to write to people I admired. “Can I ask you some questions for my podcast?” is a much easier message to send than “Can we be friends?”

It worked better than I expected. I’ve talked to people from Switzerland to Türkiye.

3. Apps for meeting people

The third way I haven’t tried yet. There are apps now, like Breakfast↗, made for meeting people over a morning coffee instead of a drink at night. From what I’ve heard, the people there are high quality: curious, ambitious, building things.